Summerville to Build a Wall To Keep Goose Creek Residents Out

Summerville is fed up with Goose Creek residents overwhelming their stores and restaurants with their kind, so now they’re going to do something about it. Mayor Wiley Johnson announced plans on Saturday to build a twelve-foot wall across I-26 and Hwy 17-A to keep all Goose Creek residents out of their beloved town.

Mayor Johnson said Goose Creek will pay for the wall. “Goose Creek is going to pay for every last cent of that wall. It’s not our fault their town is so boring. If those Creekers want to come to Summerville, they can come here legally and establish residency just like everyone else has. It’s only fair.”

A mob of angry Summerville residents protested outside city hall on Saturday. Most of them were wearing hats that said ‘Make Summerville Great Again’ and holding signs that read ‘Send The Dirty Creekers Back Home.’

Goose Creek Mayor Michael Heitzler said, “We’re tired of Summerville’s inflammatory rhetoric. We’re not paying for no damn wall.” When asked why so many Goose Creek residents flee for Summerville on the weekends, Heitzler said, “I don’t know why. With our pawn shops and payday advance loan stores, there’s plenty to do here in Goose Creek.”

Some of the local Summerville businesses are concerned about the construction of the wall. Summerville convenience store owner Denny Yates said, “When the Goose Creekers are gone, who’s going to buy all my Skoal tobacco and Monster energy drinks?”

57 Comments on "Summerville to Build a Wall To Keep Goose Creek Residents Out"

  1. OMG this is beyond hilarious! Love it!

  2. Let’s not forget the mattress stores, plenty of fun to be had there.

  3. That is some funny ass shit right there.

  4. The only reason summerville residents don’t like creekers is creekers put out there stupid light….the summerville light

    • You talking bout the light and railroad tea ks….I’ve seen it,it was real in my eyes I was actually scared to death almost.

  5. sherry solders | March 20, 2016 at 3:28 pm |

    This is fricken’ hilarious!

  6. Come on that is the stupidied thing i have read.

  7. Haha! Nice.

  8. Goose creek is not another country that Muslims use to sneak into the country. Goose creek is full of drugs. Especially Boulder bluff. Kinda like Mexico it has its own drug cartel that runs Boulder bluff.

  9. Randy Campbell | March 20, 2016 at 5:03 pm |

    How are you going to keep them out? block all roads and highways? This is America and unless you establish yourself as a country of your own then you are stuck!

  10. Sad but true

  11. sandy morris | March 20, 2016 at 5:58 pm |

    really a brainless twit …no wonder our world can’t get it together. I think some people need to look really hard at themselves…

  12. And who can for get all the excitement at all the local storage places, we have so many to choose from.

  13. I hope this is a joke. Ridiculous joke. More political garbage. What is wrong with Summerville residents or Goose Creek residents going into others town. Grow up people. How can we expect the next generation to behave if this is how we are acting in this generation.

    • That’s right. I agree

    • Lighten up. This is a satirical way of saying Trump is an idiot. His wall between the US and Mexico is just as stupid as would a wall be between Summerville and Goose Creek.

      • Elaine, I am not a Trump supporter, but please tell us of all your worldly accomplishments before we accept your pronouncement of Donald Trump as an “idiot.”

        The article is funny, but really does not need your liberal spin put on it. Walls historically seem to have worked pretty well for China and Germany, as long as you are willing to punish interlopers, and their facilitators, with enough severity.

        BTW, in SC, as in most other states, cities are just political subdivisions of the state and have very limited independent legal life, unlike countries which must have borders to maintain national sovereignty.

        • 1.Trump is ignorant to say the least
          2. The article is a satire to show how ridiculous a border wall is
          3. Germany tore down their fucking wall to have freedom
          4. China built their wall to keep out invaders and about 400,000 people died building it. Some of whom were buried in the wall itself
          5. Last I checked, Mexico is not trying to invade us for a wall to even be built
          6. If you use drugs, jobs, or rapes as defence for a border wall I will gladly rebuttal every one of those arguments

  14. Are you serious! I’ve NEVER heard of something so petty in my life!!

  15. Stop with the derogatory names! We’re not Creekers! We’re Goose Creetians!

  16. Verneene Forssberg | March 20, 2016 at 9:19 pm |

    If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck … then it must be Donald (duck that is)

  17. What is wrong with our mayor has he list his mind this is America you cannot keep people out of a city.

  18. As a GCHS alumni, current Floridian, and with plenty of beautiful, intelligent, military families, college graduates, ex-party all nighters, and old Goose Creek families…the plight of one or two areas of any town does not distinguish its history or future…the character and pride of its people do. This is HILARIOUS! Made me smile from ear to ear! Great symbolism to highlight just how many steps backwards a society would be taking to draw more boundary lines!! Rupublican, or not, please remember to VOTE…and make certain you take pride in all the communities that make the land in your town, city, state, and nation. Without this kind of pride in the whole Charleston area, the low country could turn our to be just like everywhere else. Goose Creek is an amazing little jem…full of great people…everyone needs to remember that!! Goose Creek is not one or two bad parts…if we characterized a place by its worst traits…we would call Charleston HELL. #NoWalls #GreatRead #SMILINGFACES #BeautifulPlaces

  19. Some people just don’t get satire.

  20. Robin Glessner | March 21, 2016 at 9:35 am |

    Is this a joke? If it isn’t it is about the most asinine crap I have ever heard! I have family that live there. I spend money there, have a doctor there…etc. Guess they will have to raise tax again to off set the loss revenue….lol.

  21. What’s funnier than the article is that some of the readers don’t realize that it’s satire. Lol

  22. Joke or no, this is the sort of immature rhetoric that starts serious problems. Grow up and report real stories that will help our communities.

    • Bless your heart | March 22, 2016 at 3:16 pm |

      Why would a satirical website grow up and publish “real” stories? Kinda defeats the purpose. Maybe you should read the names of the websites that you comment on. Just a thought.

  23. Carol Bishop | March 21, 2016 at 10:18 am |

    Did you people not read the title of this web page……this is a joke. Stop being so serious all the time

  24. The problem is those Goose Creekers want free stuff. The Summerville people are tired of paying for all the freebies.

  25. Summerville is just upset because they had a giant losing streak against us the football

  26. Wow,!!! This is the emergency broadcast network.. The previous article is satire… Not to be taken serious.. Again freaking… Wow ,!!!

  27. This is just too funny. It is even funnier that some of you believe it!!!!! Hahahahahaha

  28. Goose creek is great if ya like being in business an being dubble taxed it’s great

  29. Some people really have to get a grip. Serious? No. Funny? YES!!
    That said, I’d support building this wall of which you speak. It would help keep those snooty Summervillians out of my Creek…lol

  30. Oh come on people its not real! Its a joke. Look at who posted it FAUX Country Faux means fake, not real. Get your head out of your asses! Its just a joke!

  31. Shawn Baker | March 22, 2016 at 5:17 am |

    Obviously some people didn’t pick up on the name of this site Faux News and are taking it way too seriously.

  32. My 12 year old says “How about the wealthier Summerville residents go into the poorer Goosecreek and help them make a nicer town for themselves, instead of being so selfish.” All that money put into a wall could be used to make a REAL difference!! Why not cooperate with the Goosecreek governor and look for changing solutions. God will not bless our selfish motivations.

  33. Faux = imitation, artificial, not genuine, fake or false. Faux news people.

  34. Who is going to pay for the wall?

  35. This is ridiculous just get along.

  36. Hahaha! I’m from Goose Creek and I love it but this is hilarious. Summerville folks, y’all may have culture, history, and kick ass restaurants and shopping but we have a lower tax rate, *some* good schools, free wi-fi, and an awesome community center so suck it!!! 🙂

  37. This started out as a joke and yes I laughed. But reading through the comments how can one compare this joke to the building of a wall between america and mexico…because that is not a joke we need a wall with no revolving door. And stricter screening of those coming into our country because I assure you the terrorist that took down the world trade center did not come from Mexico. They had their entire family on american soil plotting this attack.


  39. I live in the Creek. Will sell kidney on black market to raise funds…

  40. Nils Boserup | March 23, 2017 at 9:28 pm |

    Bravo !! That was the funniest thing I’ve read, heard, seen in a long time.
    Hats off, I now have a new rag to read.

  41. satire- (n)

    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

  42. Not to be outdone, Goose Creek is stirring support for a wall to keep those from North Charleston out. North Charleston however is all for a walled city. They are the most traffic congested metropolitan area in the state, which is blamed on commuters just passing through. Mayor Keith Summey is quoted saying, “Everyone knows we don’t cause the traffic problem here; most of our residents don’t even work and many that do will ride the bus”

  43. Victor Gonzalez | March 26, 2017 at 4:03 am |

    Lived in Summerville Sangeree subdivision for many years and could not get out of that shit hole city and subdivision fast enough and move out to The Creek. The only reason I would ever go back that way would be to hop on the interstate and that short drive was dreadful bringing back memories of a city that has seen better days. Should nuke Scummerville (Yes meant Scummerville) along with the middle east and start all over. Maybe the next time around y’all may get it right.

  44. Skip Watson | March 26, 2017 at 4:58 pm |

    It’s satire. I didn’t realize there were so many jackasses and morons still around. Just have a laugh and move along.

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