Porter-Gaud Students Take Field Trip to Discover What the Middle Class Is

To introduce his students to the topic of the middle class, Porter-Gaud Teacher Mr. Chatsworth scheduled a field trip to study a middle income family up close. The students were able to see for the first time how people without trust funds take care of themselves.

Porter-Gaud mandated that all students going on the field trip be vaccinated before venturing into the sub-million dollar real estate zone. Four of the students’ parents volunteered to be chaperones, but opted to send their live-in housekeepers in their place at the last minute.

The group of students rode in a stretch Mercedes limo to suburban West Ashley to observe the locals and take notes. Mr. Chatsworth arranged for the class to shadow a family of four throughout the afternoon. The students roamed through the house and examined each family member in detail.

Some of the students were confused by what they saw. “I don’t understand,” said senior Tinsley Livingston. “Why are they cooking their own food? Where’s their Paleo chef? This is so tragic.”

Other students were fascinated by what they observed. “These creatures are quite exotic,” said junior Royce Cumberland. “They don’t keep their wine in a temperature-controlled cellar. They just leave the bottles on top of their refrigerator. How peculiar!”

One of the students was reprimanded for trying to slip one of the family children a few hundred dollar bills without anyone seeing. Mr. Chatsworth explained the importance of not tampering with their way of life. “We must not confuse the middle class with unwarranted gifts in their natural habitat. They must grow up to be unhappy and blame everything on their parents. That’s how the middle class cycle keeps going.”


47 Comments on "Porter-Gaud Students Take Field Trip to Discover What the Middle Class Is"

  1. Quite possibly the dumbest thing I have ever read.

  2. This is shit hilarious lol

  3. This is so dumb. Obviously a political jab of jealousy hating people just because their parents try hard and are successful in life. 70% of students at Porter are on scholarship by the way…

  4. These are the same kids who do Habitat for Humanity in Haiti, put on their high school CV for college applications and then whine about their delicate sensitivities at some $50k liberal arts school learning Medieval Asian linguistics.

    • You’re right. These are the same students that might conduct a service trip to Haiti, or the Domincan Republic, or Costa Rica, or anywhere else that you may find to be an extravagant use of money, but they are also the students that build houses for those that can’t afford them by working with Habitat for Humanity locally, or volunteer their time with special needs children as a part of Miracle League, or spend their afternoons helping younger children across the Lowcountry learn to read as a part of Rise Up And Read (RUAR) or Meeting Street Academy, or wake up in the mornings to prepare breakfast for those in need at 180 Place downtown or prepare meals for the families with hospitalized children as a part of Ronald McDonald House, or raise money for water purification systems with Water Missions International, or collect used bikes and repair them to send to those in need of transportation in developing countries, or…

      The list goes on. You may find that these “kids” are privileged and overly sensitive, but you don’t actually know them. They are students that put the needs of others above their own. They give their time and their talents to those in need, both locally and abroad. What have you done to give back?

  5. Do y’all actually think this is a real news story?

  6. This is absolutely fake.

  7. This story is DEFINITELY NOT fake. I know Tinsley and she sucks at life. She’d probably keel over if it weren’t for the maid, porter, butler, tutor, masseuse, yoga instructor, nutritionist, and valet to keep her functioning.

  8. Megan Holmea | January 26, 2016 at 4:01 pm |

    As a working mother of four sons who attend Porter Gaud I am highly offended. I work hard to pay my sons’ tuition, in fact, started my own company to do so and part every day that my sons will always have the safe arms of the Porter Gaud villagers wrapped around them. Education and spirituality are the two priorities in our family’s life and the Episcopal influence offered daily throughout the Porter Gaud educational experience is the foundation of my sons’ upbringing. Shame on the individual who dared make light and fun of such a blessed institution of hard working patients who , like me, amidst some parents who don’t have to work so hard, have decided to give our children a moral compass and educational backing to go out into the world and be contributing members of society.

  9. The next article should be about how Charlestonians don’t understand satire.

  10. I bet have the mad commentors on here are students at PG.

  11. Having grown up in a huge 4-A public school in the upstate, I am aware of the perception of traditional private schools like Porter-Gaud. As a teacher now at such a private school, I can whole-hardheartedly say that what I thought kids would be like is nothing compared with what they are actually like. Regardless of gender, race, religion, ethnicity, culture, and socio-economic conditions….kids are kids regardless of what school they go to. After 20+ years in education in public, private, rural, urban, big, small, religious, non-religious—I truly believe all students genuinely want to learn, want to work hard, want to be do well, want to be good citizens, and want the world to be a better place.

  12. Y’all have been hating on us since I went there. Now my kids are there. But this is pretty funny. Gotta have a sense of humor. Growing up I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Oh. You’re one of THOSE people.” But my parents worked their tails off to put me through there. I’m proud of it as are my kids. Sorry if there are any typos in this. I’m dictating to my personal assistant who wasn’t educated as well.

  13. Anonymous Student | January 26, 2016 at 9:20 pm |

    As a student at Porter, I find this highly true. Most of my peers spend their days whining about the ‘poor lives’ they have due to their parents’ misunderstanding of what they wanted for Christmas (in fact, they got a SUV when they asked for a Mercedes) or the awfulness that they’re going to California instead of Italy on their Spring Break trip. Don’t get me wrong, Porter has some great ups, but the selfishness of the majority of the students only condoned by the poor environment of the school is entirely highlighted by the satirical nature of this article. They need an awakening– and, unfortunately, it’s not going to happen at Porter. The biggest surprise for them is shopping at Goodwill.

  14. Talking about the social differences between Goose Creek and Mount Pleasant or the lack of tolerance for economy cars by a nameless Daniel Island woman is one thing, but this piece is different. There are children attached to this story. And parents who sacrifice tuition dollars to provide an exceptional education for their children. And while it may seem harmless to you, laughter at the expense of children, or the school they love, is wrong, any way you shake it. Porter-Gaud is an easy target because the assumption is that all the students are just mindless and spoiled rich kids who have no social conscience. In reality, Porter-Gaud is working every day to instill compassion and selfless service in each student. Mindless drivel like this “satire” shows a lack of intelligence and creativity. Going after children is inexcusable. Porter-Gaud offers tremendous opportunities for financial aid, making it possible for Middle Class families like mine to send our children. Perpetuating an inaccurate stereotype is dangerous and mean spirited. Schools, and especially the children who attend them, should be off limits, whether parents pay tuition or not.

  15. Tommy quit being such a bitch and learn to take a joke.

  16. I find this very enjoyable to whomever wrote this you’re a legend.

  17. Hilariously true. The conception of anything but trips to Costa Rica and Europe is all these kids understand. And plus to all the Porter Guad parents complaining about this article you all know its true. Your kids suck.

  18. Seems this news report really struck a cord with Tommy and Megan. Both highlight how much $ they sacrifice for their kids to attend this school. If they got rid of their maids and drivers and took fewer vacations to the Caribbean maybe it wouldn’t be such a sacrifice.

  19. hahaha! Funny story; ironic as well! I used to referee ice hockey. PG had a team. They rarely ever won, but they hung in there. They had the best equipment of all the High school teams. One time after a 9-0 loss, the mother of one of the players asked me if I could “… be more understanding to their team, because they don’t understand why they don’t win.” No kidding. I didn’t know what to say to her, so I told her, “It’s just a game and safety is the number one priority.” She gave me a blank stare, backed up two steps, then wandered off. True story.

    • LOL, this is hilarious. It’s idiots like that woman that fuel the fire for the people that believe in wealth redistribution.

  20. People, this is OBVIOUSLY fake! I mean, look at the name of the website for crying out loud! FAUXcountrynews…FAUX meaning FAKE!!!! READ BETWEEN THE LINES!!!!!!!!!!

    • What the hell people! This is so fake! Is this what u narcissistic bitches think about porter gaud! Well you are completely wrong! Porter gaud is a loving caring school that isn’t completely filled with airheaded asses that u think they are! We do so much for the community and I bet half of you would give the WORLD to be at porter gaud! Not everything is a stereotype and I don’t know one person with a maid or a butler or chef. I have so many friends that have never been out of this state! In fact I don’t know anyone with a Mercedes. So stop being such bitches about this and obviously you are being hypocrites because we all know you wish you were at a great learning school like porter gaud!

  21. @nate Do you REALLY know a PG Student? As in, have you ever met one? They aren’t as snobbish and filthy rich as you describe. If they were, then no wonder that the United States is in debt….but like others have said, some are on scholarship. Also, those people’s names are MADE UP! You can look up on the website if a teacher named Mr. Chattingsworth (or whatever it was) really teaches at PG! Some kids @ PG really are Middle Class already! So please get your facts straight before you post, and honestly, it’s not like this at all. I met an amazing girl (a junior) there who tried to set the record straight saying she isn’t the “stuck up rich kid” that others think she is. And if you got to know her, you would learn that she’s right! She may not be the most popular girl, but her ribbon twirling dance thing is absolutely AMAZING! PG has very talented students who are also very smart and are NOT stuck-up. Yes, people can point out examples of the opposite of that statement, and I acknowledge that not all students at PG are flawless, but they don’t ride their parents about every single little thing. If you’re going to continually re-post about students and a school that you don’t even know true things about, you might as well be jealous of their education because if you had an education like PG students do, you wouldn’t be wasting time posting these insults and lies. FYI: Not many students have maids, butlers, etc., you may be confusing the “students” with a real person you know.

  22. Lmao 10/10

  23. Befuddled Student | January 27, 2016 at 8:59 pm |

    I’ll go on a limb and bet that the majority of the PG parents in the comments section have yet to actually ask their children their opinion of the article. Perhaps they equate the article’s unambiguous Horatian satire with a personal attack launched at their children. However, this assumption belittles both our intelligence and character as students. Only someone entrenched in the Philistine notion that sarcasm is inherently rude would fail to see the article’s comic value. Consequently, PG parents looking to defend their child’s honor, or whatnot, and shelter them from differing opinions reinforce the stereotype of Porter Gaud students and families being secluded in a bubble of ignorance and wealth. As a Porter Gaud student, I can say that I laughed heartily upon reading this article. I thought it merely poked lighthearted fun at a common stereotype, which is clearly this entire website’s purpose. I’m not alone in thinking this. I read aloud both the article and the battle raging throughout the comments section, to the enjoyment of everyone in the class. Nearly every student, though I’m sure some may disagree, find the article funny. It’s satire, and HORATIAN satire at that. Seriously, everyone needs to chill.

  24. Thank You Based God ?

    p.s.- @portergaudparents giving this article a negative vibe; calm down & laugh a little. 10/10. Everyone is talking about this article, and buzz whether good or bad is always a good thing when publishing articles, the author knows that. Much love. Funny as ?

  25. I’m a student at PG and I find it a little annoying that people think that everyone there is extremely rich. But I don’t really mind it that much. But I find this extremely funny

  26. C Block Spanish Class | January 28, 2016 at 8:43 am |

    LOL- PG students

  27. This has to be one of the funniest things I have ever read 10/10

  28. didn’t a JI kid get in trouble for cooking drugs in the bathroom 2 weeks ago?

  29. Anne Fraiser | February 3, 2016 at 2:16 pm |

    lol 10/10

  30. As both a PG alum and Dad, hopelessly middle class, I think this is totally hilarious!
    God help those who can’t laugh at themselves…

  31. laughing student | February 3, 2016 at 8:16 pm |

    elysse pardus anyone ??

  32. let’s play football or tennis or volleyball or any sport #roadtostate. Good luck against our basketball team Wando, JI , BE, y’all r trash. And good luck getting 10 kids into ivy league like PG did this year… Cyclones are what? Yes sir, you guessed it, red hot.

  33. doland tramp | February 18, 2016 at 2:39 pm |

    as local public skule kidz we find this fuckinh hilar. this is the funniest $hiznit ive red in month i cud buy a pear of gucci loafaz wit dis artical its so rich in humor much LOLz #crustfundbaby

  34. It’s nice to read a story in the paper about Porter Gaud in which no students got raped. Finally.

  35. People need to learn to laugh at themselves and not take things so seriously.

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