Heavy Rain Could Ruin Weekend of Getting Sloppy Hammered at the Beach

A potential tropical depression could form in the Gulf of Mexico soon and bring heavy rains that will ruin local residents’ drunken Memorial Day Weekend. Matt Harkin, known to his friends as “Matty Lite”, has an all-weekend blowout beach party planned with his “bro-alition” from college, but now those plans might be completely screwed.

A tropical depression is likely to form in the Gulf of Mexico and bring massive amounts of moisture into the entire southeast. Torrential downpours may force Matt and his bros to stay indoors and binge drink while watching a Lord of the Rings marathon on TNT.

Matt was devastated to learn of the weekend weather forecast. “I have friends visiting from all over the southeast for the sole purpose of rocking out at the beach this weekend. Hanz The Bronz is coming in from Charlotte, Sexy Rexy is flying in from Gainesville, Optimus Stein is road tripping from Atlanta. Now the rain is going to ruin our Booze Shmooze at Folly. We probably won’t even meet any chicks and earn our Vag Badges.”

Local TV meteorologist Heather Haggard explained the complexities of the approaching weather pattern this weekend. “This really blows. It’s going to be raining like a mofo all weekend. I’m not allowed to say this on TV, but I want to bitch-slap Mother Nature right now. This weekend is totally effed.”

Matt and his “bro-alition” will rally after the Lord of the Rings marathon and take an Uber to Pearlz at Avondale to go “hunting for lambs,” but will get brutally rejected by every female there. They’ll then go next door to the Voodoo Lounge and find much more success with the girls who hang out there.