West Ashley Woman Drinking Champagne at Brunch Forecasted to be a Hot Mess by 3pm

A West Ashley woman rapidly consuming champagne at Sunday brunch is forecasted to be a full-blown hot mess by 3:00pm this afternoon. Madison’s severe intoxication became apparent when she started sending rapid unanswered text messages to her ex-boyfriend and then pressured her friends into booking a group vacation to Jamaica.

Madison and her friends met at Ms. Rose’s Fine Food & Cocktails at 10:00am for a simple brunch gathering, but as always, Madison lost control, and her drinking accelerated. A mimosa led to drinking straight glasses of champagne, which eventually led to her drinking right out of the bottle. After consuming two full bottles of champagne by herself and eating only a single piece of avocado toast, Madison quickly entered hot mess mode.

Madison’s friend Brie was frustrated by her drinking. “She always does this. We meet for a meal and a few cocktails, and then she yells, ‘Let’s celebrate!’, even though there’s nothing special going on. We can’t take her anywhere. She needs to get it together.”

Madison couldn’t understand why her friends weren’t on her level. “I thought they loved me. If they did, they’d commit to booking this villa in Jamaica right now for $2,000 apiece. Like, seriously‚Ķ. I thought we were friends‚Ķ.I thought they were my bitches. Whatever, I’m gonna book it on my credit card right now and go by myself.”

Madison will become angry when her friends don’t want to continue drinking into the evening. She’ll buy a bottle of gas station wine on the way home, and then fall asleep on the couch with it after consuming two sips. She’ll show up to work 30 minutes late for the staff meeting tomorrow morning, reeking of booze and showcasing upper-lip sweat.