Commuting to work in Charleston can be a time-consuming, arduous affair for residents on a daily basis, as the growing area faces an influx of new citizens, putting stress on the city’s roads and thoroughfares. So it came as a big surprise when West Ashley resident Nathan Trybiski, a downtown bank teller, made his daily commute this morning in record time because Savannah Highway lacked the usual idiots he generally faces on his drive.
“Oh yeah, today was great,” Trybiski stated. “Everyone used their turn signals when making left AND right turns, which is rare. Instead of freaking out and slamming on the brakes when seeing the ‘Hot n Now’ sign at Krispy Kreme, this Pontiac put on their signal early and made a gradual turn. It was nice. Oh…and there was no moron struggling with a stick Maserati for the first time at 7:30 am. I mean, what rich jerk is test-driving cars that early? Also, no brainless turd was trying to let a car in from two lanes away, hoping the rest of traffic would just magically stop like we’re all goddamn mind readers. It was weird how smooth it actually was today.”
According to Trybiski, there were no “jackasses in big yellow City of Charleston tree-cutting thingies” on Highway 17 today, a fact confirmed by a check of city records. A common sight in the early morning rush hour, this is considered by most residents to be a total dick move.
Trybiski has reason to be wary of the West Ashley conduit. Last May, he was rear-ended by a Kia driven by local failure at life Geoffrey Newnan going 55 mph in the median, also known as “The Suicide Lane.” Newnan stated he had been attempting unsuccessfully to get into traffic for an estimated 1.6 miles after leaving Taco Bell for some AM Crunchwraps, the standard breakfast for most West Ashely dumbasses.
As of this writing, however, Trybiski was seen leaving his job downtown, stuck behind a carriage tour, shouting, “OH SERIOUSLY? COME ON!”