Washed-Up Band Ready To Headline the Fair

A washed-up band is ready to rock at the local fair this week. Almost-forgotten-about southern rock band Turbo Kitty earned the Coastal Carolina Fair’s headline spot after the previous headlining band all checked into rehab.

Social media is buzzing with hundreds of people who “might go see Turbo Kitty if nothing else is going on.” The evening opens up with the country band that no one’s ever heard of, followed up by the singer who peaked on American Idol eight years ago, then Turbo Kitty rocks the stage.

Lead Singer Derrick Mason said performing at the fair isn’t ideal. “I really wish I didn’t blow through all my cash in the 80’s”, he said. “I could be comfortably retired right now, but instead I have to play this show to make ends meet. I shouldn’t have bought my third wife a kangaroo. Why the hell did I do that?”

Local fair attendee Kayla Anderson said she might watch Turbo Kitty’s performance. “I kind of want to see them play, but I’ve also been really hot on the water gun in the clown mouth game,” she said. “If I can win the giant stuffed Minion character before they hit the stage, I guess I’ll go see them.”

Turbo Kitty’s performance is expected to be interrupted when lead singer Derrick has an existential crisis in the middle of their set and openly sobs on stage. The crisis will deepen when Derrick sees the quality of groupies after the show.