Amid the escalating claims of racism, Wando High School has changed its mascot from the Warrior to the Bichon Frise. Emotionally fragile activists demanded the mascot be changed because it offends Native Americans, even though no actual victims could be identified. Officials have already purchased new football helmets covered in white fuzz to showcase its new, politically correct, not-threatening-in-any-way mascot
Social justice activist Jennifer Tarron was thrilled that the school administration gave in to their demands. “The Warrior is a despicable, racist depiction of Native American culture.” When asked if she knew anyone who was actually offended by it, Jennifer said, “Well…I’ve never met any Native Americans, but I’m sure there are some out there that would be offended by it. And that’s what it’s all about…imagining victims that may or may not exist, then being outraged for them on social media.”
Wando Administrator Henry Jamison said the decision to change the mascot was unanimous. “We honestly don’t give a crap what the mascot is. We’re just tired of hearing the complaining and we don’t want to get fired when this blows up in the news. All I’m trying to do is make it Friday afternoon so I can crack a beer and forget about this place for 48 hours.”
Varsity football player Joey Carson is struggling to adjust to the mascot change. “It’s kind of hard to tackle the snot of out someone when your helmet is white and fuzzy. There’s even talk of putting poofy white tails on our football pants. I’m not sure the other team will really be intimidated by that either.”
The school’s ultra-PC students will become outraged next week when they claim the Bichon Frise represents systematic white privilege and demand that the mascot be changed to the Sloth.