Walterboro residents have made a desperate plea to the United Nations to repair the perpetually broken milkshake machine at the local McDonalds. Residents have been forced to endure underwhelming McFlurrys after their meals at the fast food giant because the milkshake machine is only operational 5% of the time. The situation has become dire and no one knows when and if help is coming.
There have been reported problems with the Walterboro McDonalds milkshake machine for at least a decade. Many people have experienced the devastation of finishing their meal only to learn they can’t top it off with a delicious milkshake. Now residents are lucky to get a shake once a month, and when word gets out that the machine working, the demand is so high that it breaks down again. It’s a vicious cycle of milkshake desire and despair.
Walterboro resident Denny Gibbons posted a Facebook Live video begging for international assistance with this tragedy. “When is someone going to help us?” he pleaded. “People are suffering here. If the McFlurry blender goes down too, I don’t know if we’ll be able to survive. Send help now.”
United Nations Spokesperson Abigail Mingon said they are aware of the issue and are handling it appropriately by putting it at the bottom of their list. “We have crimes against humanity happening around the world, and this place is South Carolina is complaining about milkshakes. What the hell is wrong with these people?”
Word is spreading that local residents may form a rebel group to seize control of the milkshake machine and try to fix it on their own. Regardless of the outcome, residents are expected to continue eating at McDonalds because they have the best french fries around.