A trophy hunter is receiving a barrage of criticism on social media today after it was discovered he shot and killed a Honda Accord with a Clemson Tiger tail hanging out of the trunk. Dr. William Slater traveled to Charleston, South Carolina with the intention of killing a Bengal Tiger, but mistakenly shot the four-door sedan instead.
Dr. Slater enlisted the help of a hunting guide on Craigslist and paid him $50,000 to bring him to a Bengal Tiger in Charleston. The hunting tour guide, known as “Tricky Ricky”, led him to Rivers Avenue and both hid off to the side of the road. As soon Dr. Slater saw a tiger tail, he fired one shot directly into the car’s engine, rendering it lifeless.
After the kill shot, he posted a photo of himself and the deceased car on Facebook, igniting a firestorm of criticism. That’s when he realized he had shot someone’s car and not a real tiger. Dr. Slater has since closed his successful dermatology practice indefinitely and is hiding in his mountain cabin, where he’ll probably try to kill other animals.
Murdered car owner Danielle Franklin is furious her Accord cannot be revived. “I’m just driving along, and this asshole jumps out of the bushes and shoots the damn hood of my car,” she said. “I loved that car so much. I even bought the extended warranty, but it doesn’t say anything about covering gun shots from high-caliber hunting rifles. I’ll just have to wait and see what Honda says.”
Department of Natural Resources Spokesperson Joan Vale condemned the incident. “We’re still puzzled how someone can be so stupid to confuse an apex predator and a mid-sized car,” she said. “Then we learned Dr. Slater likes to wear Ed Hardy shirts in public to assert his manliness, and that’s when we realized that he could in fact be that clueless.”
Dr. Slater defended his actions and refused to accept blame for the situation. “That car’s tiger tail looked so real, anyone would have made the same mistake,” he said. “I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m just a free man trying to make up for the numerous shortcomings in my personal life by murdering exotic animals and bragging about it on social media. What’s wrong with that? I thought this was America!”
The Clemson game this Saturday will begin with a moment of silence for Danielle’s slain Honda Accord.