Summerville Woman With No Life Worried About the Stupid Geese

A Summerville woman with way too much time on her hands posted an angry message on her community’s Facebook page ranting about the lack of concern for the geese in the pond. Carol Jones has made it her mission to protect the neighborhood geese, even though they’re an irritable, poop factory, jerk-of-an-animal.

Carol’s lack of hobbies and interests have led her to a life of obsessing over the annoying neighborhood geese. She posts updates on their safety and complaints about anything that threatens it on the neighborhood Facebook page five times a day, which are usually met with fellow-residents rolling their eyes.

Carol vented her frustration about the property management team’s failure to act. “I’ve been asking for protective fences for the geese and 24-hour crossing guards in case they want to cross the road. What have I gotten? Nothing! And now they’ve cut the marsh grass too low and the goose eggs may be in danger. I demand a call with landscaper immediately!”

Senior landscaper Frank gave up his Saturday morning watching his kid’s soccer game to have a call with Carol. “This lady said it was a dire emergency and then I find out it’s because we cut the grass shorter than she likes. It was scheduled in our five-year environmental development plan. I have a masters in landscape engineering, so I know what I’m doing. Someone needs to tell this lady to get a life.”

Carol’s neighbor Sara doesn’t understand the constant obsession with the geese. “I don’t know why Carol wastes her time with the geese. All they do is crap all over the walking path and bow up at you if you get within 30 feet of them. I’ve had to cut some of my runs short because a gang of them will block the path like a bunch of assholes. I think our pond needs a few more gators, if you know what I mean.”

Carol will call the FBI and ask for federal intervention when she sees a group of kids get within 100 feet of a goose nest. She’ll start a Go Fund Me to raise money for goose safety that will raise a total of $10 that she donated herself.




2 Comments on "Summerville Woman With No Life Worried About the Stupid Geese"

  1. The only thing you missed was to describe how she ranted on NextDoor.com (aka BitchFest.com, or WildAccusations.com)

  2. I know this is satire, but when I lived in Legend Oaks, the idiot HOA actually circulated a survey on what people wanted done with the Muskogey ducks that were hanging around because apparently some of them would chase women with strollers and they actually felt threatened. By a DUCK. These people are out there. And they vote.

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