A shortage of slutty Halloween costumes has caused mass panic in West Ashley. Local costume shops have placed signs in their windows stating ‘No Trampy Costumes Left’ and West Ashley women have resorted to violence. Black market prices have skyrocketed with offers surpassing $500 for a slutty nurse costume.
Slutty Halloween costumes are required for mating season in West Ashley. Instead of having genuine conversations to get to know each other, West Ashley women wear incredibly revealing Halloween costumes on October 31st and choose a male to dry hump them in the corner of the bar after thirteen drinks. They remain partners until they have an ugly public breakup eleven months later and the mating cycle repeats itself.
West Ashley resident Kayla Bryce is desperate to find anything sexy she can get her hands on. “I was planning on dressing up as a slutty angel, but that and every other racy costume are gone,” she said. “I even called my cousin on James Island and they’re cleaned out too. I’d be happy to settle for a slutty teacher costume at this point. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t get a mate this year.”
Costume Shop Owner Denny Platt is recovering after a skirmish broke out in his store over the weekend. “I put out some Harley Quinn costumes, and all hell broke loose,” he said. “They were attacking each other with their vaping pens and Boost Mobile phones. It was terrifying.”
Hundreds of West Ashley women are camped outside the Citadel Mall where it is rumored a shipping container full of slutty giraffe costumes will be delivered this week. With the mating season potentially in peril, couples publicly arguing in West Ashley bars is projected to be 80% lower in the coming year.