Shortage of Blond Hair Dye Sparks Riots in Mt. Pleasant

A shortage of available blond hair dye in Mt. Pleasant has ignited intense riots among female residents. Mt. Pleasant moms have taken to the streets to battle local police and other women for anything that can lighten their hair. The dire situation is only expected to get worse as moms prepare to look their best on Back To School Day.

Attempts to ration blond hair dye supplies by only allowing mild highlights have failed and chaos has ensued. A humanitarian shipment of blond hair dye from Lexington was sent to quell the unrest, but it was hijacked by a group of female extremists from the I’on community. Unable to hide their dark roots growing in, Mt. Pleasant women’s Facebook selfie posts have plunged by 97% since last week.

The men of Mt. Pleasant have fortified a shelter at the Omar Shrine Temple for anyone seeking safety. Spokesperson Kevin Greene said, “We’re calling out to all men who are caught up in the hair dye civil war. If you can escape, please make your way here. We have enough beer and chicken wings for everyone.”

Mt. Pleasant Police Chief Stephen Swanson said the riots are like nothing he’s ever seen. “These woman are completely out of control,” he said. “They tearing each other’s hair extensions out and beating each other over the head with yoga mats. The good news is they’re easy to apprehend because they can’t run very fast in high heels.”

Daniel Island moms are worried that the riots may spill over to their territory and create a similar frenzy. Daniel Island officials are discussing blowing up all bridges to preserve the peace and their remaining blond hair dye supply. Downtown Charleston may be forced to do the same to protect North of Broad.

2 Comments on "Shortage of Blond Hair Dye Sparks Riots in Mt. Pleasant"

  1. y’all need to hire a better photoshop artist.

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