Local residents were surprised to hear that Vice President Joe Biden was making a surprise visit to the Charleston area. To prepare for his arrival, Secret Service agents have begun performing security sweeps at the North Charleston Hooters where he plans to have lunch.
Vice President Biden is scheduled to slam some cheap beer and enjoy some chicken wings while the Hooters staff over-inflates his ego by telling him he’s the hottest guy in the restaurant. Before his meal is over, he’s expected to be suckered into buying a Hooters calendar and a hat he’ll never wear.
The Vice President’s Press Secretary Clair Dantzler said he’s looking forward to his lunch at Hooters. “Vice President Biden goes to Hooters because he thinks the food is great,” she said. “But he really hopes he doesn’t get the chick wearing a sweatshirt as a server. That happened the last time he went and it was a major disappointment.”
Secret Service snipers will be stationed on the roof and at the blue cheese station in the kitchen. If any security breaches are detected, agents are ready to utilize the Hooters order ticket zip line system to quickly arrive at any threats and lock down the area.
The Vice President is expected to receive hugs from all the servers before he leaves, which will indirectly pressure him to leave an enormous tip. Next week he’s scheduled to meet with Vladimir Putin at the Moscow Hooters to discuss the NATO Missile Defense System.