The debit card of a West Ashley woman disappeared on Wednesday after a night of heavy drinking. The debit card owner, Beth Miller, has been frantically trying to locate it by retracing her steps throughout the evening. Without her debit card, she’s unable to order Jimmy Johns to be delivered to Tanning Galaxy, her place of employment.
“I’m not sure where to look because the night is kind of hazy,” said Miller. “I started off at Mex-1, where I had a salad, because I just started a low-carb diet, then we bounced around to a bunch of places. The last bar I mildly remember being at was DD Peckers.”
A West Ashley local, known as Snowman, witnessed Miller’s behavior at DD Peckers that night. “That chick was annoying as shit. She kept playing the same Miley Cyrus song at the jukebox over and over again like it was the best thing that ever happened. Her and her dumbass friends were falling down all over the place. I guess I can’t talk too bad about her because she bought a gram of coke off me.”
Miller’s sister, Emily, was less than willing to help with the search efforts. She said, “She lost her debit card again? Seriously? It’s like the seventh time it’s happened this year. I’m over it. If she’d stop ripping shots of Fireball like a Sloppy Sloppykins, this wouldn’t happen.”
Miller woke up with a random dude named Mike, who also doesn’t remember a thing. Although their relationship was awkward at first, she’s confident he may be the one for her. “He’s in the Enterprise Rent-a-Car Management Trainee Program, so yeah…he’s a total catch.” Miller will continue the search for her debit card by canvassing every Taco Bell and Waffle House in a ten mile radius.