Scientists have sent a rover to Johns Island to discover whether or not there’s any reason to go there. The rover will perform experiments and relay photographs to the research team so they don’t have to spend all that time driving there if they don’t need to.
Lead Scientist Dr. Edwards said the rover experienced some delays in transit to Johns Island. “The rover mission is already running two hours late because it encountered an ungodly amount of traffic during rush hour. It was a giant pain in the ass, but we were able to push forward.”
The initial findings had the team discouraged at first, with the first images sent back showing a Food Lion and a Dollar General. “The terrain looks treacherous and bleak,” said Dr. Edwards. “Now we’re hoping the rover encounters some local residents, so we can gain some understanding as to why the hell someone would want to live there.”
The team was about to call Johns Island a lost cause until a last-minute discovery changed everything. Dr. Edwards said, “In the 11th hour, our sensors picked up something so awesome it almost broke our instrumentation. Thermal imaging detected a second Tattooed Moose within the habitable region of Johns Island. This is a game-changing breakthrough that gives us a reason to actually go there.”
The scientists have begun preparing for phase #2 of the exploration mission, where they will ride in a car and brave the long drive to experience Johns Island in person. The team is expected to go into a panic when none of them are able to get a cell phone signal.