A West Ashley father was seen screaming like a total lunatic at his five-year-old son’s tee-ball game this week. The unhinged man, Lester Trout, couldn’t resist scolding the children for not hustling or keeping their eye on the ball, despite there being no score kept at that age level.
The coach of the Total Wine Teddie Bears wasn’t happy about Lester’s embarrassing antics. “We always have one A-hole dad like this every season,” said Coach Peters. “I wish I could shoot him with a zoo-grade tranquilizer and put him to sleep so he would just shut up for once, but rec department rules don’t allow it.”
Clinical Psychologist Trisha Quinlan says this idiotic display of behavior is usually deep-rooted in unresolved daddy issues. “Most aggressive fathers are angry at their own dads for not loving them enough. Either that or they’re just misplacing their rage for having a tiny dick.”
Shortstop for the Total Wine Teddie Bears Jimmy Boon said the team is fed up with hearing Lester scream his brains out. “I don’t understand why he has to be such a fart-eating jerk-face. He needs to stop acting like such a spaz-a-tron and go eat some poo tacos somewhere else.”
When asked why he was acting so crazy about a game being played by kids so young they can barely understand it, Lester began ranting about what’s wrong with America. “We’re watching the pussification of America right before our eyes. Our kids need to learn how to be winners. You can take that participation trophy and throw it in the trash!”
Lester is expected to go completely apeshit when his son announces he wants to take dance class instead of play baseball going forward. The team parents, however, plan to have a celebration when they never have to see Lester ever again.