A Charleston man woke up after heart surgery in the wrong Recovery Room this morning. Darron Helms’ gurney was supposed to be rolled down to the hospital’s own recovery room, but instead was transported to the local hipster bar on Upper King Street.
Darron knew something wasn’t right when he was roused from his anesthesia. “I thought I’d be greeted by a nurse and my concerned family members,” he said. “But all I saw were 20-somethings wearing flannel shirts and over-sized glasses. When I asked someone where I was, he responded by insulting my taste in music. That’s when I realized I was in a downtown bar.”
Recovery Room Bartender Edison James said the patient is in good hands. “This really isn’t what we do here,” he said while twirling his circus ring master mustache between his fingers. “But the patient is doing fine so far. We have him on 500 cc’s of PBR, and if he’s feeling good enough in a few hours, we’ll get him on his feet and have him ride a beach cruiser bike around the block a few times.”
Heart Surgeon Dr. Stephen Adams was dumbfounded was the mix-up. “I clearly wrote ‘transfer to recovery room’ on the patient’s orders when the procedure was over,” he said. “I didn’t think I had to specify our own recovery room here at the hospital. I hope the patient doesn’t rock us on the follow-up survey.”
After Darron says he’s going to take an Uber home from the Recovery Room, the entire bar crowd will shame him for even considering supporting an evil corporate entity that fosters an environment of social oppression. The bar-goers will then spend the rest of the night looking at their iPhones which were assembled by a 9-year-old girl in China.