An extremely pale man visiting from Ohio struggled to blend in at Folly Beach today. Tim Grant terrified everyone around him when he took off his Ohio State t-shirt and jean shorts to reveal his pasty white skin and speedo swimsuit. He extended the emotional damage inflicted on the beach crowd by taking a leisurely walk down to the pier.
Tim is visiting the area on his Memorial Day weekend vacation. He inadvertently booked a room at the Holliday Inn with two L’s thinking it was the national hotel chain Holiday Inn. He rented a PT Cruiser and hopes to catch a good dinner at Hyman’s Seafood before his trip is over.
Tim was confused by how no one was talking to him. “It’s really strange,” he said. “When I walk around and wave at people, they just cover their children’s eyes and run away. I don’t know that their problem is.”
Folly Beach goer Tiffany Hanley was horrified by what she saw. “This dude clearly doesn’t know the unspoken law of Folly Beach that states No Banana Hammocks,” she said. “And he’s so pale, it’s almost like he’s glowing. I need to wear sunglasses to look in his direction.”
Tim will think he’s too tough for sunblock and sustain a wicked sunburn. Tomorrow he’s expected to blow off the rip current advisory and have to be saved by the Coast Guard when he gets taken out to sea.