Park Circle has officially set the South Carolina State Record for Drunk People Passed Out on Front Yards. After heavy drinking by the masses at yesterday’s St. Patrick’s Day Block Party, the record was easily attained when inebriated partiers needed to find a place to rest their eyes for a minute and passed out in various residential lawns until sunrise.
North Charleston Town Councilman Edward Coleman was honored by the milestone. “We’ve worked really hard to create a St. Patrick’s Day event that allows people to get outrageously drunk and sunburned while making young families and locals feel uncomfortable. That hard work finally paid off today.”
Mid-twenties drunkard Tyler Nason was one of the passed out. “I have no idea what happened. The last thing I remember was having a green beer chugging contest on East Montague, and the next thing I know it’s morning and some old lady is hitting me in the face with her broom.”
State Official Alanna Hopkins certified the record in the early hours this morning. “We almost had two records broken today, but Park Circle fell short of the Adults Who Drunkenly Peed Their Pants Record by three, which has been held by Myrtle Beach for fifteen years.”
Park Circle residents aren’t particularly pleased with the achievement. Local Resident Hannah Freeman said, “It’s hard enough to hose barf off the sidewalk every Sunday morning, but this green barf is much harder to clean. Why can’t people just go to downtown St. Paddy’s day parties?”