Orange Gator Doesn’t See His Shadow, Pumpkin Spice Season Coming Six Weeks Early

Hanahan is buzzing this morning after the famed Orange Gator emerged from a pond and didn’t see his shadow, signaling an early start to Pumpkin Spice season in the lowcountry. Hanahan Officials in tuxedos and top hats made the official declaration this morning to a crowd full of residents.

Local meteorological expert William Larsen said the earlier Pumpkin Spice season was expected. “We’ve seen warmer temperatures than usual.” he said. “We’ve also seen women’s desire for pumpkin spicy things at an all-time high. These two forces of nature were on a collision course that couldn’t be stopped.”

Even though it is crucial to predicting Pumpkin Spice season, the Orange Gator has been a lightning rod for controversy lately. Some Hanahan residents argue that it’s truly orange while others say it’s just covered in clay. Hanahan resident Jackie Denham said, “I usually just sit at home all day and watch all the Judge shows, so arguing about the Orange Gator on Facebook for hours gave me something else to do.”

Starbucks’ stock price surged this morning upon analysts receiving the news. Manufacturers of women’s gloves that leave the fingertips sticking out are also seeing positive trading in foreign markets.

At least one Hanahan dumbass is expected to be eaten by the Orange Gator when he gets too close to it while trying to take a selfie with his iPhone.




1 Comment on "Orange Gator Doesn’t See His Shadow, Pumpkin Spice Season Coming Six Weeks Early"

  1. The earlier “Not My Gator” demonstration in Hanahan gathered some 357 signatures from concerned citizens seeking to block Pumpkin Spice season temporarily until it can be determined whether or not the popular spice is dangerous to the environment. Unconfirmed testing indicates widespread and unchecked use of the spice is at least partially responsible for raising global temperatures 0.09% of a degree Celsius.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


*