The City of North Charleston is finalizing plans to build a state-of-the-art dome over the paper mill to contain the nasty egg fart smell that residents must endure every day. The project, codenamed S.B.D. (Smell Barrier Dome), should break ground before summer.
The anger over the paper plant’s gassy smell has been mounting for years. A local commuter, Janice Calpens, said, “Driving by that place on 526 is brutal. I always forget to shut off the outdoor air vents in my car when I’m getting close, then by the time I realize it, it’s too late, and my car smells like a hippopotamus ripped ass in it until I get to West Ashley.”
The dome will cost ten million dollars and take five years to complete, a bargain for an innovative project with this breadth of scope. It will be constructed of industrial-strength fiberglass stuffed with Gain Island Fresh dryer sheets to capture and neutralize all odors.
The development will be managed by SynerStink, a Silicon Valley start-up that specializes in converting horrific smells into renewable energy. Senior Project Manager Laine Findley said, “We’re essentially building a giant Dutch oven that will power the plant with its own awful smell.”
The citizens of North Charleston are applauding the decision to go forward with the dome. Park Circle local Jermaine Collins said, “I think it’s a great idea. Now when I’m chilling on the patio at DIG in the Park and sipping on a cold Miller Lite, I don’t have to whiff hot garbage beefs when they’re running the mill.”