North Charleston Will Build Dome Over Paper Mill To Contain Farty Smell

The City of North Charleston is finalizing plans to build a state-of-the-art dome over the paper mill to contain the nasty egg fart smell that residents must endure every day. The project, codenamed S.B.D. (Smell Barrier Dome), should break ground before summer.

The anger over the paper plant’s gassy smell has been mounting for years. A local commuter, Janice Calpens, said, “Driving by that place on 526 is brutal. I always forget to shut off the outdoor air vents in my car when I’m getting close, then by the time I realize it, it’s too late, and my car smells like a hippopotamus ripped ass in it until I get to West Ashley.”

The dome will cost ten million dollars and take five years to complete, a bargain for an innovative project with this breadth of scope. It will be constructed of industrial-strength fiberglass stuffed with Gain Island Fresh dryer sheets to capture and neutralize all odors.

The development will be managed by SynerStink, a Silicon Valley start-up that specializes in converting horrific smells into renewable energy. Senior Project Manager Laine Findley said, “We’re essentially building a giant Dutch oven that will power the plant with its own awful smell.”

The citizens of North Charleston are applauding the decision to go forward with the dome. Park Circle local Jermaine Collins said, “I think it’s a great idea. Now when I’m chilling on the patio at DIG in the Park and sipping on a cold Miller Lite, I don’t have to whiff hot garbage beefs when they’re running the mill.”




10 Comments on "North Charleston Will Build Dome Over Paper Mill To Contain Farty Smell"

  1. Should have gone with Bounce dryer sheets. Bad move, SynerStink. Bad move.

  2. Rising South | January 6, 2016 at 4:09 pm |

    ^^^

  3. And they will collect the residue and turn it into paper that can be made into money, hence, the saying that every mill worker has said forever about the smell, “It smells like money.”, will finally be the truth.

  4. Biscuit Eater | January 7, 2016 at 11:28 am |

    There was a cheaper plan that would pump the gases into the Cooper River, which would filter out some of the smell, and would essentially be like a fart in the bathtub.

  5. how hard is it to put a carbon filter on it like they do with marijuana grow houses

  6. You guys think the paper mill smells bad now; should have experienced it in the 60s and 70s before they had to clean up the emissions!

  7. What about Plum Island? When will the scourge of James Island get the attention it so deserves? We can no longer smell the sweet joy of plough mud which always told you that you were “home.” It’s so embarassing when you have out of town guests to see them eyeing you warily and suspiciously as you drive over the James Island Connecter. “It wasn’t me, I swear!”

  8. R.T. Shepherd | April 25, 2016 at 2:52 pm |

    You mean “pluff” mud, I think. Be well, MTII.

  9. Yankees GO HOME! leave the south alone THAT PAPER MILL BUILT N. CHARLESTON and pays your living here for over 75 years!

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