New Cruise Terminal Hopes to Increase Trashy Tourists Who Suck at Tipping

The City of Charleston has proposed a new and improved cruise terminal downtown that will be able to accept larger cruise ships going forward. If approved, the volume of trashy tourists flowing into the downtown market will dramatically increase.

When cruise ships port in Charleston, the downtown market is quickly filled with people wearing jorts and Duck Dynasty t-shirts. The visiting cruise passengers are vital to the downtown economy because they purchase all the crap from the market vendors that the locals don’t want. Cruise tourists rarely pay full price, usually haggling prices down until the vendors just give up.

Wild Wing CafĂ© waitress Renee Truman was not excited about the potential increase in cruise tourists. “They’re all cheapskates,” she said. “Their idea of tipping is leaving Bahamian coins they want to get rid of. And all they all want to dip their french fries in alfredo sauce. It’s totally gross.”

Downtown resident Amy Sanders had a suggestion for the new cruise terminal location. “Can’t we just move the cruise terminal up to North Charleston? Those cruise passengers would probably prefer to eat at the Golden Coral anyway. They could ride go-carts at Frankie’s Fun Park and we’d never have to see them.”

Cruise tourists Gill and Harriet Dutton harshly criticized the Charleston area after their recent visit. “The walk to the Dunkin Donuts was too far to make in my Crocs,” said Gill. “And I didn’t see a water slide anywhere. Charleston could learn a few things from Myrtle Beach.”

1 Comment on "New Cruise Terminal Hopes to Increase Trashy Tourists Who Suck at Tipping"

  1. R.T. Shepherd | April 14, 2016 at 2:16 pm |

    Too funny. Send ’em to Frankie’s Fun Park and let them wander about the area. Too rich. They’ll never find their way back!

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