The Mount Pleasant Town Council was delighted to learn today that their plan to turn the town into a total clusterfuck is well ahead of schedule. Initial estimates put reaching clusterfuck status out a few more years, but the new monstrosity apartment complex across from Towne Centre caused the master plan to surge ahead.
Town Council Member William Hampson was proud of their efforts. “We made it our goal to make Mt. Pleasant the most frustrating place to live in the entire Charleston Metropolitan area by the year 2020,” he said. “But with our commitment to irresponsible building, sluggish infrastructure updates, and a complete disregard for resident concerns, we’re going to hit our goal by next year. Mt. Pleasant is going to be the gold standard for clusterfucks around the world.”
Department of Transportation spokesperson James Wellington believes they have a solution to solve the impending traffic crisis. “Traffic is gonna be so jacked up, traffic lights are going to be completely useless,” he said. “We’re looking at converting over to a total chaos system like they have in Bangkok, Thailand. No lanes at all, cars driving anywhere they can squeeze in, constant horns honking, and loose urban chickens running through the streets. It’s the only feasible option left.”
Mt. Pleasant resident Leslie Flowers was shocked when she saw the apartments across from Towne Centre. “I was driving home from work today when I saw that massive apartment complex going up and I was like ‘What the fuck?'” she said. “How many new massive housing projects can one region take? This place is turning into a total shit-show. I’m going to move my ass to West Ashley, which is slightly less of a shit-show.”
The Town Council is expected to lower residents’ spirits even further when they announce the building of five new parking decks in already traffic congested areas. They’ll then okay more apartments to be built to fill the parking decks.