Mt. Pleasant Police Issuing Citations To Cars Without Salt Life Stickers

The Mount Pleasant Police Department began a town-wide effort this morning to identify cars without Salt Life stickers on the back and serve them with citations. So far fifty-seven cars have been handed citations carrying a $500 fine until they can prove they’ve purchase and applied an approved Salt Life decal on their rear window.

Mt. Pleasant resident Randy Newburg said he’s happy the local police are finally taking this matter seriously. “It’s taken years of submitting complaints, but the police are finally doing something about these troublemakers,” he said. “This is Mt. Pleasant. The only life we know how to live is the Salt Life, and anyone who doesn’t want that for themselves can just move somewhere else and live an Unsalty Life.”

Resident Janet Holcomb was issued a citation early this morning on her way to work. “I guess I have to buy one of those douchey stickers now if I want to get rid of this fine,” she said. “What the hell does the Salt Life mean anyway? Half of the people with these stupid stickers on their cars don’t even own a boat. It’s ridiculous.”

Legal Expert Dwayne Harrison warned about the potential dangers of overly strict policing. “This is a pretty slippery slope,” he said. “First it’s a citation for not having a Salt Life sticker on your car, then it’s mandatory detainment for not having a Yeti cooler on you at all times. Before you know it, they’ll be executing people in the streets for not wearing Costa Del Mar sunglasses with the C-Line Retainer. This type of over-the-top enforcement needs to be stopped.”

The funds gathered from the citations will be used to pay for the emotional therapy true Salt Lifers now need after the Zac Brown Band canceled their music festival on Daniel Island.