A Mount Pleasant man’s concern grew today as his snow beer supplies approached dangerously low levels. Bart Phillips projects his entire beer stock to be depleted by 5pm this afternoon with no way to reach the closest convenience store to buy more.
Bart only purchased a two-day supply of beer before the storm when only one to two inches of snowfall was predicted. Local meteorologists were surprised to see some areas receive up to seven inches of snow accumulation and now all roads leading to more beer have become impassable.
Bart struggled to contain his panic. “This is a humanitarian disaster! Where is the governor? What the hell am I going to do with no beer? It dulls the pain of my complaining children. Why isn’t the Red Cross air-dropping cases of beer to my house yet? Somebody do something!”
Bart’s wife Melissa confirmed that she will not be sharing any of her wine if Bart runs out of beer. “He better keep his paws off my pinot noir, because if I run out of wine, he’s going to have a whole new emergency on his hands.”
Bart will attempt to hike in the snow to the nearest Scotchman convenience store, only to be disappointed when he discovers they only have Straw-Ber-Rita tallboy cans left in stock. He will venture further into the snowy abyss to find a less crappy alcoholic beverage.