Mt. Pleasant Man Projected To Lose 80% of His Friends When He Sells His Boat

A Mount Pleasant man has been forced to sell his boat due to financial circumstances and it’s going to devastate his social life. Experts estimate Kevin Swanson will lose 80% of his Facebook friends after they learn he no longer owns a boat for them to party on.

“It’s cheaper to maintain a rock star cocaine habit than it is to own a boat,” said Kevin. “The fuel costs never end, the docking fees are crazy high, and something is always breaking at the worst possible time. It’s like there’s a Velociraptor eating your wallet at all times.”

When Kevin first purchased his boat, his social standing in the Mt. Pleasant community skyrocketed. His neighbors wanted to hangout on the boat each weekend, his Facebook profile blew up, and hot chicks in bikinis he had no business hanging out with loved dancing on his boat. Once the boat is sold, it’s all expected to go away and his social stock value will tank quickly.

“It’s a bizarre paradox,” said social psychologist Wendy Glick. “The people of Mt. Pleasant judge others by their ability to own a kick-ass boat, yet the large majority of them can’t even afford their own car payments. The cycle keeps pressuring some idiot into buying a boat he can’t pay for.”

Kevin is already making plans for when his boat sells and his social life goes quiet. “There’s an adult coloring group that meets at the library on Friday nights,” said Kevin. “Hopefully there’s some hot chicks there.” Reports have come in that Kevin is close to selling his boat to some fool named Ethan.

1 Comment on "Mt. Pleasant Man Projected To Lose 80% of His Friends When He Sells His Boat"

  1. R.T. Shepherd | April 26, 2016 at 7:13 pm |

    The “coloring group” is a wise move, though made involuntarily. Watercraft aren’t nothing but a boatload of trouble and a magnet for fair weather friends. I’d get rid of my car if my “friends” didn’t need me as the unofficial taxi driver.

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