A Mount Pleasant man hasn’t had erotic intercourse with his prized Yeti cooler since the news broke that the Yeti Corporation was breaking ties with the National Rifle Association. Keith Henderson has been conflicted about the cooler company’s wavering devotion to guns, and it’s prevented him from getting an erection and making sweet love with his cooler ever since.
Keith said the last few days have been the most difficult in his life. “The fact that my Yeti cooler could keep ice cold for ten days turned me on so much, but now they don’t support guns, and I don’t know to think. I’m so conflicted. How can I passionately make love to my cooler without its support for guns?” Keith cried into a pillow for the remainder of the interview.
Keith’s wife Heather was pleased by the cooler’s controversy. “I’m glad he’s done with Yeti. For Christ’s sake, how many times do I have to hear about how long it holds ice? Ten days? He hasn’t been camping for ten total days in his entire life. Maybe he’ll stop boning his Yeti cooler and have sex with me for once.”
Mt. Pleasant resident Matthew Hoey discussed his frustration with the Yeti company. “I love my guns and I’m a very smart man, so when I heard Yeti withdrew their support for the NRA, I took the cooler I paid $800 for and fired my AR-15 into it 75 times. Nothing demonstrates rationale gun behavior like firing an assault rifle into an inanimate object the very first time it frustrates you.”
Things will become awkward when Yeti and the NRA make up again. Matthew will try to seal the holes he shot in his cooler with Flex Seal Spray, but it won’t hold. He’ll go out to his local sporting goods store and buy a better Pelican Cooler the next day for a lower price.