The town of Mount Pleasant recently introduced a system-wide male cloning program to ensure every man is exactly the same. Previous attempts to pressure men into conforming to the Mt. Pleasant standard of living have failed, so a newly-implemented approach will scientifically force all men into wearing Costa Del Mar sunglasses, wearing fishing shirts, buying a Big Green Egg, and keeping their beer in a Yeti cooler.
Genetic Scientist Sheila Miller explained the science behind it. “We went out and located the most Mt. Pleasant-y dude we could find and took a sample of his DNA,” she said. “Then we copied it, amplified it, and pumped it into the drinking water to spread it as quickly as possible. Now every man will have no choice but to become like everyone else, making sure everyone fits in. Mt. Pleasant men will feel the urge to buy a brand new pick-up truck every two years, even though they’ve never put a single thing in the bed of their current truck. It’s like the modern day Stepford Wives, but with men.”
Mayor Linda Page praised the new male introduction program. “We want everyone to be as similar as possible in Mt. Pleasant,” she said. “Diversity is strange and it weirds us out. The fewer men we have being creative and artistic, the better. The last thing Mt. Pleasant needs are more man-children reading comic books or artsy fartsy dudes becoming musicians. Just blend in with everyone else and keep the peace.”
Early clone program participant Matt Donovan said the total transformation in his life has been smooth. “One day I was drinking a glass of tap water, and I felt the urge to stop doing the things I enjoy and buy all these random expensive things,” he said. “Now I have a super-expensive Big Green Egg on my back deck. I never actually use it, but I just feel this strong internal need to make sure other people see it. It’s very strange.”
Matt has also purchased a new golf cart and has begun painting it with Gamecock team colors. Now that the male cloning program is a success, a new Mt. Pleasant female cloning program will begin soon that will compel women to dye their hair, wear aviator sunglasses, fill their closet with expensive clothes from a local boutique, and purchase an over-sized SUV they have no idea how to properly drive.