A family in Mt. Pleasant made a desperate plea to their father yesterday to stop wearing cargo shorts. Craig Hallman was under the impression he was walking into a pizza party at home, only to discover it was a staged intervention to discuss his summer shorts. The family is hoping he accepts treatment so they won’t be embarrassed to be seen with him in public anymore.
Intervention Leader Simon Alderson said an intervention like this is becoming more common these days. “Men usually find something comfortable they like to wear and stick with it for fifteen years,” he said. “Most men aren’t aware that cargo shorts went out of style in 2003. They’re too blinded by the utility of having so many pockets, and they need to get help so they can dress like they’re in 2016.”
Craig’s wife Alanna said she’s enabled him for too long. “I can’t help but feel responsible for this situation, because I always ask him to hold my iPhone 7 Plus when we’re at a concert or walking around downtown,” she said. “But I can’t lie to myself anymore. His shorts are outdated and there are too many pockets. No one needs that many pockets anymore.”
Craig said he was totally blindsided by the surprise intervention. “I can’t believe my family would betray me like this,” he said. “In my defense, they’re not jean cargo shorts, they’re khaki, and they don’t have too many pockets. It’s not a problem. I have it totally under control!”
Craig reluctantly decided to accept the gift of recovery at a rehab facility in Florida that will train him to use just two pockets again. Craig is expected to revolt by leaving rehab early and descend further into his fashion catastrophe by wearing a fanny pack with his cargo shorts.