A die-hard South Carolina Gamecocks fan, Garrett Fisher, is in mourning today after losing a season-long bet that will force him to wear an orange dress during the college football national championship game. Before the college football season began, Fisher confidently proclaimed on Facebook that if the Clemson made it to the national championship game, he’d wear an orange dress to Red’s Icehouse to watch it. He’ll go dress shopping at TJ Maxx this weekend to find a dress that fits properly.
“Clemson is always over-hyped every year,” said Fisher. “And they always choke and starting clemsoning before the end of the season. I thought it was going to happen again this year, but I was wrong.” When asked what it will feel like to wear the color of the team he’s hated his entire life, Fisher visibly made a thurping motion.
“This is going to be epic,” said Sarah Vail, one of Fisher’s close friends and a devout Clemson fan. “He always talks so much shit about Clemson on Facebook, and now he’s going to eat his own words. I’m going to Instagram the shit out of this.” Vail has also created a Facebook invite that has ballooned to 1,348 attendees, which should only yield about 60 people actually showing up.
Fisher plans to keep a low profile when the night comes. “I’m going to arrive by paddleboard, hangout in the corner of the deck bar, and hope to not draw too much attention. I’ll probably bring some earbuds and listen to Sandstorm on repeat so I don’t have to hear the laughter.”
Fisher’s fiancé, Veronica Dylan, couldn’t care less about the dress, but is disgusted by the fact that he’ll be wearing Clemson orange. “We only wear garnet and black in this house. Just the thought of him wearing orange makes me sick. I probably won’t be able to bring myself to have sex with him that night.”
When asked if he’d make the same bet again next year, Fisher said, “Hell yes! Have you seen Muschamp on the sidelines? He’s like an ill-tempered dragon. He’s going to have the Gamecocks whipped into shape and kicking the Tigers asses again.”