A Moncks Corner man was fined $500.00 yesterday for not carrying a loaded gun in public. Evan Pauley will be required to purchase a gun from a local gun store or the guy who sells them out of his van in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
Evan had just moved his family to Moncks Corner and wasn’t aware of the local gun law. “I was born and raised in Vermont,” he said. “I’ve never even touched a gun before, and I’ve always thought they were a little dangerous, but I guess I have to keep a loaded one on me at all times now.”
Moncks Corner Police Officer Jennifer Vayner knew something wasn’t right the instant she saw Evan. “I saw a Prius driving the speed limit on Hwy 52 and knew something was off immediately,” she said. “When I pulled him over and asked him if he’d been drinking anything, he said just a Chai Tea Latte earlier that morning, and that’s when I knew he was a giant yankee pussy. A search of the car found no loaded weapons, so I cited him.”
Local resident Annie-Leigh Greenwood said she’s scared of northerners. “These yankee weirdos think they can just move down here and force their ways upon us,” she said. “They don’t own a single piece of camo clothing, I doubt they can even drive a stick shift, and I’m willing to bet they’ve never seen a single minute of college football in their lives. They’re dangerous to us all, and I’m keeping my children the hell away from them.”
In addition to paying the fine, Evan will be required to complete four hours of hunting and two hours of muddin’ in a pick-up truck. If he doesn’t get it done within 30 days, he’ll be taken into custody until he’s viewed every episode of The Dukes of Hazzard.