Massage Parlors and Fireworks Stands Pop-Up Along I-526

In light of the recent daily commercial truck gridlock on I-526 East due to the new poorly planned implementation of a new gate system at the SC Port Authority, various businesses have taken advantage of the situation by quickly setting up shop alongside the miles-long truck backup. As the port closes periodically to process trucks through, forcing drivers to wait an unusual number of hours to reach their destination, quick-thinking entrepreneurs saw that these frustrated workers needed ways to spend their time and unwind until they are able to complete their jobs.

SC Port Authority President Jim Newsome apologized for the truck gridlock. “We recognize the inconvenience we’ve placed on not only the truck drivers, but also the people in the area who live and work off of Long Point Road…is that enough of an apology?” he said. “I know we have more money and manpower than future president Donald Trump himself to have properly trained and tested the system before replacing people with automated robots at the gate, but hey, look at the new businesses on the interstate happening as a result of our incompetence. We’re local job creators now! So, you’re welcome, Daniel Island and Mount Pleasant.”

“I’m losin’ time and wages just sittin’ in my damn cab, not movin’ for shit,” said Jimmy Turner of Atlantic Trucking, who was hauling a load of box fans at the time. “It’s nice to be able to jump outta the truck to shoot off a couple artillery shells and get cranked out, if you know what’a mean.” He then made a fist gesture and raspberry sound with his mouth. “Now, if you’ll ‘scuse me, ma piss jug is full,” he said as he poured yellow liquid from a jumbo Gatorade bottle onto the hot pavement below.

2 Comments on "Massage Parlors and Fireworks Stands Pop-Up Along I-526"

  1. R.T. Shepherd | June 27, 2016 at 4:43 pm |

    A beer outlet would just about make this a trifecta.

  2. Guess this is why no one was interested in bringing rail to the Wando Terminal. I thought it might have been cost, but no, it’s more fun this way.

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