Married Couple Preparing For Obligatory Sex After Olive Garden on Valentine’s Day

A married couple is mentally preparing for their quarterly intercourse session after a Valentine’s Day dinner at Olive Garden. Even though both Rick and Deirdre Duncan would rather do other stuff than be with each other, they feel like they have to engage in a romantic evening so they can still consider their marriage normal.

Rick will be placing the kids with Grandma this weekend so they can both have some time alone. “It will be nice to make some noise in the bedroom if we want to,” said Rick. “Normally we have miserable stealth sex so we don’t wake the kids up, so this will make it slightly more enjoyable.”

Deirdre has been looking at the Olive Garden menu online at work to do meal research. “I have to be careful with my meal selection,” said Deirdre. “I don’t want to get something big like the Tour of Italy and feel gross during sex later. I’ll probably stick to breadsticks and salad.”

Rick will be making the proper preparations for their romantic session at home after dinner. He plans to spend five minutes at Publix picking up roses that will die within 24 hours, whatever Valentine’s Day card that’s left which doesn’t have a cat on it, and Yellow Tail wine that’s on sale. It’s the exact same thing Deirdre has received for the last seven years.

Their sex will get off to a rocky start with Rick apologizing for struggling to get an erection and saying he doesn’t know what’s wrong. Then when their four minutes of missionary is completed, Rick and Deirdre plan to engage in mandatory post-sex cuddling for five minutes before she goes back to binge watching Making a Murderer on her iPad, and he flips on the Hornets game on the TV. The couple has scheduled their next evening of intercourse for Memorial Day weekend.