Man Eating Cinnabon Unaffected By Ashley River Bridge Bike Lane Announcement

A West Ashley man was completely unaffected by the news of Charleston County proceeding with the Ashley River Bridge bike lane as he ate his freshly warm Cinnabon. Wesley Vail wasn’t even aware that the bike lane was a thing until today, and now he doesn’t care about it either way.

Wesley purchased his Cinnabon at the Northwoods Mall Food Court while his wife shopped for new summer pants. He learned of the decision to build the new Ashley River Bridge bike lane while reading the local newspaper, then abandoned the story after getting bored so he could devour his delicious Cinnabon.

Wesley’s wife, Georgina, was disappointed by her husband’s indifference to the new bike lane. “He bought us both brand new bikes for Chanukah three years ago, and they’ve sat in the garage ever since,” she said. “I wish his passion for outdoor exercise equaled his passion for Cinnabons.”

Mayor John Tecklenburg was extremely happy by the decision to move forward with constructing the new bike lane. “The results of the bike lane study are undeniable,” he said. “We can add the new bike lane with little impact to traffic flow. I’m hoping this makes the cyclist psychos happy so they stop blowing me up on Twitter about it.”

The new Ashley River Bridge bike lane is expected to move thousands of cyclists into the downtown peninsula each week. The large majority are expected to go back to driving their cars when they realize how much of a pain in the ass it is to ride your bike to work.

1 Comment on "Man Eating Cinnabon Unaffected By Ashley River Bridge Bike Lane Announcement"

  1. R.T. Shepherd | June 15, 2016 at 11:48 am |

    “Bicycle psychos” have the powerful’s ear. What is their power? Hmmm….I feel a “news” story in percolation…newt entrails, magic eight ball(s), incantations, patchouli incense?
    Faux minds want to know.

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