The last place Bridge Run Race finisher received first-pick at the moldy bananas this morning. Race officials were about to close up shop until Grace Tensen casually walked down the final stretch, pausing to smoke a cigarette, then make a cell phone call before finally crossing the finish line.
Grace had trouble making such a difficult decision. “It’s so hard to choose,” she said. “They’re all so black and moldy. Some even have a strange chemical smell to them. I guess I’m going to pick the one with the most bugs on it. Nature can’t be wrong.”
Bridge Run VP of Post-Race Fueling Alison Mix, stated “I’m so glad she actually wanted to eat some of these horrible bananas. Every year I try to say that we have too many, but when 40,000 runners are paying $45.00 each, we have a lot of extra money to buy them.”
Things will become awkward when race officials realize they broke down the finish line before 95-year-old runner Herman Franklin completes his life goal of finishing the Bridge Run at a pace of 1.3 MPH. Race volunteers will shower Herman will stale bagels when he finally crosses the new finish line they threw together with painters tape from a nearby construction site.