Things became awkward on Saturday when a James Island woman showed up to a formal Kentucky Derby party wearing a party store sombrero and drinking a Bud Light Lime. Heather Wyatt was a half hour late with a solid beer buzz going when she entered the room with her oversized, obnoxiously-colored sombrero. The other party guests let out an audible gasp in horror.
The Kentucky Derby party invitation asked for guests to bring a fancy appetizer and strictly instructed them to wear derby attire only. Heather brought a party-size bag of Fritos and moved bottles of Chardonnay out of the way to make room for her soft cooler full of Bud Light Lime. The other party goers, wearing fancy dresses and searsucker suits, watched in shock with their jaws hanging open.
Heather’s co-worker and party host Paula Owens was confused by what she saw. “Is she trying to be facetious?” she said. “Or does she legitimately not know she looks like a fool right now? I have no idea. This is why I don’t hang out with people from James Island anymore.”
Heather explained why Bud Light Lime is the best beer ever invented by human race. “I don’t need to squeeze me a lime in there, because it’s already infusedicated in the beer for me,” she said, slurring. “Does anyone want to do a beer bong with me? I got one in my trunk.”
When the Derby party is over, Heather is expected to one-eye drive her Ford Focus to the Island Bar & Grill, where she’ll poorly sing Janis Joplin karaoke and end up going home with her ex-boyfriend from seven years ago.