The James Island Recycling Center is in a state of crisis this morning as it struggles to handle the massive amount of Busch Lite cans flowing in. James Island residents are consuming Busch Light at record levels while also being environmentally-conscious hippies, making sure the cans are recycled so they don’t end up in a landfill.
Recycling Center Director James Horner said he doesn’t know what they’re going to do. “We’re literally running out of room to put the empty Busch Light cans,” he said. “You would think the wicked headaches and horrible diarrhea it gives them would slow James Island people down, but it doesn’t. They just won’t stop drinking and recycling it.”
Food Lion Manager Shanice Johnson said they can’t keep enough stock of Busch Light in her James Island store. “The second we get an entire shipment from an 18-wheeler, there’s a line of locals ready to snatch it up. The beer doesn’t even have enough time to get cold in our fridge, but they don’t care. James Island people will drink that shit warm.”
Anheuser-Busch Operations Manager Henry McAdams said James Island locals are pushing their brewery equipment to the limit. “We’ve never seen consumption levels like this before,” he said. “We’ve cranked up the equipment way past safe limits just so we can keep up with this relentless demand. Our brewery could blow at any time!”
The James Island Recycling Center is expected to see a major shift to Busch Light bottles next week when Anheuser-Busch announces a promo where you can exchange 10,000 bottle caps for a free Busch Light foosball table. Ninety percent of James Island residents are projected to earn the foosball table by the end of the summer.