A James Island couple has decided to give their newborn son a ridiculous name so people will think they’re cool. Kevin and Whitley Harvey officially named their son Pinkley Pear Harvey, all but ensuring he will get his ass kicked throughout his entire adolescence.

Kevin and Whitely just gave birth to Pinkley Pear on Friday afternoon. They opted for an underwater birth at home while listening to Sarah McLaughlin with Whitley’s yoga instructor providing emotional support by her side. As soon as her son took his first breath, Whitley announced his unusual name aloud.

Whitley explained the reasoning for the unique name. “I don’t want him to be like everyone else,” she said. “Names like James and David are so boring and traditional, and I want my son’s name to be cool and hip. I’m going to turn heads when I introduce my son in a room. He’s going to be so special.”

Kevin and Whitley’s friends are being supportive, but they have their concerns. Best friend Ashley said, “Pinkley Pear? Are you serious? He sounds like a dorky book character. That dude is going to get stuffed into a locker on the first day of high school. Pinkley better hit the weight room early on or he’s in trouble.”

Child safety experts advocate against giving newborn children strange names. Name Expert Willow Bear Heiney said, “People have no idea what it’s like to go through life with a ridiculous name. Stop trying to be hip when naming your kid and give them a chance at a normal life.”