A James Island man was delightfully surprised this past weekend when he power washed his house and discovered it’s not actually painted Moss Green. Gary Stover’s house revealed its true yellow color after he cleaned the exterior for the first time since he bought the house eight years ago. Neighbors looked on in amazement, realizing their houses might not be green either.
James Island homes are notoriously dirty because of the abundance of large oak trees draped with Spanish moss all over the island. A combination of tree dander mixed with residents who would rather get hammered on the weekends than clean it has led to an abundance of swamp green houses across the island. Additionally, the lack of decent HOA’s and complete absence of people who care what their properties look like only add to the ‘dilapidated charm’ of the area.
Gary was ecstatic to learn his home wasn’t actually pea green. “I feel like I hit the lottery,” he said. “I was thinking about painting the whole thing sometime soon, now I don’t have to do anything! Let’s drink!” Gary proceeded to shotgun five Busch Lights and stumble around his screened-in porch decorated with colored Christmas lights.
Local Home Improvement Expert Adam Gibbons said preventing your house from turning green is quite easy. “It doesn’t really take a lot of effort,” he said. “You just have to put in an hour of work to clean it once a year and resist the urge to chug cheap beer instead. However, this proves to be too hard for most James Island residents.”
Thousands James Island residents are expected to use their power washers to discover what color their house truly is. More than half will give up halfway through when they get tired and leave their neighbors power washer in the backyard to rust out and turn to junk.