A James Island man, Elliot Montague, arrived at the annual Porter Gaud Alumni Oyster Roast on Saturday night eager to show off his brand new pink shorts with terriers on. “I just bought them earlier in the afternoon at M. Dumas & Sons. I was really hoping to turn some heads and get some instant attention.”
When Montague entered the oyster roast, he quickly noticed someone else wearing the exact same shorts, then another, and it continued until the six young men stood together in an awkward circle blaming each other for copying their style.
The third person wearing pink shorts with terriers on them, Wentworth Pinckney, voiced his frustration while flipping his hair out of his face. “It was embarrassing. I bought these shorts three weeks ago specifically for this occasion. “I even bought an oyster shucker with a pink handle to match them and I didn’t get the attention I wanted.” Pinckney plans to vent his irritation by calling in sick to his job at his father’s firm and taking his family yacht out on the harbor.
The females at the oyster roast were unaware of what happened because they were taking selfies and posting heavily filtered pictures of their cocktails to post on Instagram.
Montague has learned his lesson and has a plan to prevent this from happening again at next year’s oyster roast. “I’ve already commissioned a local seamstress to hand-craft me a pair of peach-colored shorts with littles oysters and shuckers on them. It’s totally meta, and I’ve never seen anything like it before. Just wait until they all see me next year.” (laughs maniacally)