James Island reached a major milestone this week with its 1,000th failed restaurant when Joe’s Pizzeria shut its doors after three months in business. The island has by far the highest restaurant failure rate of any area in Charleston, and shows no signs of slowing down.
Joe’s Pizzeria owner Joseph Catalano described his disappointment after losing his business. “I poured everything I had into this place, but despite my best efforts, I couldn’t drum up any business. I didn’t realize the residents of James Island only want to get hammered, play pool and sing karaoke.”
A recent study by MUSC concluded that most James Island residents run purely on alcohol with little or no food on a regular basis. Study participants stated they avoid eating whenever they can because it might ruin their buzz.
Even with the proven failure of many different restaurant concepts on the island, there are more entrepreneurs ready to throw their money down the drain on bizarre food ideas. Restauranteur Danny Umlin is confident about his new eatery scheduled to open in February. “I know exactly what type of food the residents of James Island want–Thai taco fusion with a heavy disco theme. That’s why I’m opening Thaico Fever.”
Some of the locals take responsibility for the slew of bankrupt restaurants. James Island resident Nina Jackson says, “Sometimes I start to get hungry, but then I down nine beers and totally forget to eat.” The Food Network will soon film a one-hour special about James Island titled The Black Hole.