After receiving a slew of criticism recently for their newly-automated parking system, Isle of Palms has decided to hold a daily Hunger Games event for available parking spaces. Beach day-trippers will now fight to the death to earn a paid spot to park their car for the day. All battles will be monitored from the IOP Capitol building.
Mayor Dick Cronin said the new system is a win-win for both beach-goers and local residents. “The Hunger Games are less confusing than the parking kiosks and it will help thin out the population a little bit,” he said. “I bet those Goose Creek people make it to the end. They’re scrappy. Daniel Islanders don’t stand a chance.”
Mt. Pleasant resident Greg Danowski has been blending into the dune grass and slowly inching toward the best parking spot for the last three days. “I’m planning on taking the family to the beach this weekend, and I need to have this spot,” he said. “As soon it becomes available, I’ll be taking out everyone I see with my blow dart gun until the wife arrives with the SUV.”
Some visiting tourists didn’t get the message, which led to some major confusion. Out-of-Towner Denny Halprin turned around and drove straight back to Wisconsin shortly after arriving. “We drove all the way from Sheboygan and tried to find a parking spot for our minivan. All of a sudden a woman in full camos threw a Molotov cocktail at our car. What the hell is wrong with you people?!?”
Isle of Palms local Lindsay Walters said the new Hunger Games are good and bad. “It’s fun to make a fresh cup of coffee and watch two visitors launch Chinese throwing stars at each other from my front porch, but I don’t think anyone thought about what we’re going to do with all these dead bodies. They’re starting to pile up in the streets and the garbage men won’t take them.”