A monumental moron decided to go for a drive on I-526 while securing a mattress to the top of his car with only one hand. Danny Vaughn had just purchased a $600 queen-sized mattress and couldn’t be bothered to wait for it to be tied down to his car, so he can put everyone’s life in danger to get home a few seconds earlier.
Danny merged his mattress-covered car onto I-526 and initiated his safety precautions, which consisted of putting his hazard lights on and reducing his speed by 5 MPH. Fellow commuters did their best to race past Danny’s car before his mattress went airborne, offering extended middle fingers as they went by.
Mattress Store Employee Anna Leird did her best to convince Danny to tie it down to the car. “After he bought the mattress, we told him we’d secure it to his car for free, but he said he didn’t have time for that. Apparently he had a Frito Pie in the oven and had to get home before if burned.”
North Charleston Police Sergeant Frank Healy said this act of stupidity is common. “You would think a basic understanding of physics would prevent people from doing something this foolish, but dumbasses continue to do it and mess things up for the rest of us. If it wasn’t for these morons, we’d never have any traffic on I-526.”
Danny’s mattress is expected fly off the car and cause a five-car pile-up on the Don Holt Bridge during peak rush hour traffic. Congestion is only expected to worsen when an epic-level dope tries to drive with a loveseat sofa sticking out of the back of his Honda Civic’s trunk with no bungie cords