A West Ashley man asserted himself as a total badass on Monday night when he showed up to a crowded bar and vaped non-stop for three hours. Carl Riggs made sure his vape pen, which was decorated with shiny skulls and red LED lights, was loaded up with Fruity Pebbles juice in preparation for hours of carelessly exhausting giant plumes of vapor at other tables.
When asked if the vaping bothered anyone around him, Carl said he didn’t care. “It ain’t against the law to vape indoors if I want to,” he said. “It’s my right as a tax-paying American.” Carl continued to blow vape clouds in the direction of a booth containing a young family with children confused by where the smell of sugary cereal was coming from.
If the vaping wasn’t badass enough, Carl posted up at the bar and ordered a Mike’s Hard Lemonade with a dash of grenadine. This caught the eye of a few members of the Hells Angels seated across the bar, causing them to leave because they didn’t want any trouble from Carl.
Some of the single ladies were fascinated by Carl’s fortress of steam. “He’s so mysterious,” said local Melissa Samms. “Every girl in the bar wants to sleep with him more with every billow of sweet steam from his mouth. He’s like a human smoke machine, and it’s so damn sexy.”
When the night was over, Carl saddled up on his used scooter and rode home to the Windjammer Apartments, where he rested up for a new day of selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door.