A Goose Creek woman stuck in traffic for hours without food is debating whether or not to eat an old french fry she found under her car seat. Debra McHale has moved only fifteen feet on Red Bank Road in four hours, and her starvation has rapidly lowered her standards for what is considered a reasonable snack.
The horrendous traffic started earlier this week when CSX shut down N.A.D. Road without warning, sending the surrounding area into chaos and deteriorating the fabric of society. Goose Creek commuters who have been stuck in traffic for hours are running out of food, vape fluid, and scratch-off tickets. Since Red Bank Road is shady as hell, not one wants to get out of their cars for supply runs.
Debra believes the french fry poses no harm. “How bad can it be for me?” she said. “It’s from McDonalds and they use a ton of preservatives. It’s only two weeks old. I’m sure it’s fine. It looks fine. It looks really tasty, and there’s still a grain of salt stuck on it. WHY ISN’T TRAFFIC MOVING AT ALL?” Debra wept into her steering wheel while carefully holding the fry up so it didn’t get damaged.
CSX Spokesperson William Chadwick said N.A.D. Road should be open by the end of the week. “We could have done the work over the weekend, but that wouldn’t have pissed off nearly as many people,” he said. “Our goal is to drive everyone in that area absolutely bat shit crazy by the time they get home to their families.”
Debra is expected to eat her old french fry and savor its rubbery goodness. Forty-five minutes later, her starvation will drive her to evaluate eating the crumbs in the bottom of her car’s center console cup holders.