A Goose Creek man brought his personal life to a new low by trading his fully-functional Ford pick-up truck in exchange for a used moped, two cartons of cigarettes, and a cotton candy machine. Earl Sanders made the trade official in the parking lot of the Red Bank Road Sunoco on Saturday morning.
The transition to the moped will triple the length of Earl’s morning commute to the paper plant since it only tops out at 22 miles per hour. He looks forward to blocking the flow of southbound traffic on North Rhett Ave during morning rush hour.
Earl firmly believes he came out on top in the trade. “On top of the moped getting way better gas mileage, it will help with the fact that I’m not legally allowed to drive a car after getting my fourth DUI,” he said. “Plus, now I can make fresh cotton candy while I’m sitting around and watching Pawn Stars. It’s like I died and went to heaven.”
Earl’s sister was furious with the decision to part with the pick-up truck. “What was he thinking?” she said. “How the hell are we going to sift through trash for scrap metal before the garbage man comes? We certainly can’t haul it in a cotton candy machine. What a dumbass!”
Despite Earl’s blockbuster barter earlier in the day, the weekend’s transactions may not be over. Earl is currently evaluating a trade offer to give up his moped for a pair of authentic leprechaun shoes.