Both Democratic and Republican voters in the Charleston area have grown frustrated with the potential outcome of the upcoming presidential election. Unhappy with both of the remaining candidates, Lowcountry voters have asked Chick-fil-A to take control of the country until better candidates can prevail.
Charleston area resident Amy Howell believes Chick-fil-A is our only choice. “When I think about the fact that either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be our next president, I throw up in my mouth a little bit,” she said. “It would be best for everyone if Chick-fil-A just took control for a while. Have you seen how many cars they move through the drive-thru at lunchtime? It’s incredible.”
Chick-fil-A is expected to implement a cabinet full of friendly, cleanly-dressed teenagers who are more than willing to give the people what they want. To prevent political stalemates that shut down the government, Chick-fil-A employees will take politician orders as they drive into the parking lot and have printed bills ready to go as they walk into the capital.
The Chick-fil-A government will only listen to the people and handle their issues in order of importance, instead of harping on the tired issues that will give them the most press coverage. Until the budget deficit is paid off, there will be austerity measures that only allow two sauce packets per citizen.
Political Analyst Vanessa Haines thinks that Chick-fil-A would struggle to make an impact in Washington DC. “Our whole political ecosystem is grounded in dysfunction, hostility, and waste,” she said. “I don’t think our elected representatives could handle a process that’s so logical and efficient.”