Fair Goers Nervous About Riding Gravitron With Dude Who Just Ate an Entire Elephant Ear

Coastal Carolina fair-goers are nervous about the digestive instability of a fellow rider as they wait for their turn on the Gravitron to begin. Tim Hansen worried everyone around him as he scarfed down a large elephant ear by himself while waiting in line for the high-velocity circular fair ride. Now he and everyone else are loaded on the ride and ready to go, but all are terrified Tim may blow chunks.

The Gravitron ride is very popular every year with hardcore fair attendees. Riders enter a circular room and lean back against the wall. The Gravitron begins to spin rapidly until it reaches ‘HOLY SHIT!’ speed, then the floor drops out and the force keeps riders pressed against the wall. There’s an unspoken rule not to eat at least an hour before getting on the Gravitron, but everyone is worried that Tim has violated this crucial social expectation by consuming the oversized doughy treat with double toppings just before entering the ride.

Gravitron rider Anna Bednar has major concerns about how Tim’s stomach will handle the Gravitron ride. “He doesn’t look good right now,” she said. “He’s heavily sweating and burp blowing like every ten seconds. I knew we might be in trouble when I saw he got both the strawberry and custard filling in his elephant ear. Who does that? He better not yack on this ride.”

Nutritional Expert Haley Drummond said scientists still don’t fully understand what an elephant ear does to humans. “The human body struggles to handle this type of food. A full-sized elephant ear sends the stomach into chaos as it tries to process the excessive volume of fried dough and sugar. We’re unable to measure how many calories are in it because our instrumentation can’t register numbers that high. We recommend exercising extreme caution when consuming one.”

Graviton Operator Ratso McGhee said he’s prepared if Tim has a reversal of fortune. “It certainly wouldn’t be the first time we had someone blow chunks on this thing,” he said. “Fortunately for everyone else, the centripetal force keeps the vomit mostly contained to the vomitor. If he boots, we’ll call in one of our Barf Buffer interns and get it cleaned up.”

1 Comment on "Fair Goers Nervous About Riding Gravitron With Dude Who Just Ate an Entire Elephant Ear"

  1. R.T. Shepherd | November 1, 2016 at 3:47 pm |

    I always leave the Gravitron alone! Something could go south that makes recycled elephant ears the least if one’s problems.

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