A dysfunctional West Ashley couple has decided to have a baby to make their relationship stronger. Justin and Stephanie made the announcement on Facebook yesterday after an epic fight about which one of them uses too much toothpaste, which required a visit by local police. The couple believes that having a child is the only way to work out their issues to start on the path to marriage.

Justin and Stephanie have broken up eight times in the last three years, but always get back together after one of them drunk dials the other. They usually stay at Stephanie’s one bedroom apartment on Ashley River Road, with Justin sleeping at his mom’s house during the times they’re broken up. The couple shares the use of Stephanie’s 2004 Chevy Cavalier. Justin has already begun online shopping for baby fedoras.

Stephanie’s best friend wasn’t sure about the decision to have a child. “They make a lot of bad decisions, but this is definitely their worst yet,” she said. “They’re the type of people who get hammered and order a pizza, then pass out on the couch before the delivery guy comes. How the hell are they going to care for a kid?”

Stephanie plans to support the baby by quitting her job waiting tables and selling Mary Kay Cosmetics. Justin hasn’t had a job in eight years, claiming he’s the entrepreneurial type who can’t be tied down by the office environment, even though he’s never started a business or come up with a single business idea. Although the couple doesn’t have any health insurance, they plan to pay for the hospital costs by using a Go Fund Me campaign.

Stephanie is likely to get cold feet about having the baby when she discovers she can’t continue to smoke Marlboro Ultra Light Menthol 100’s and drink four extra-large Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffees each day. Justin is expected to get angry about it and break up with her, then get back together after he drunk dials her later that evening.