A dying Moncks Corner man has announced he wishes to have his body frozen and preserved in a Yeti Cooler. Jimmy Talbot hopes to stay on ice long enough for technology to improve to the point where he can be reanimated. His family members have come together to see his wish come true.
Jimmy said he devised the plan after doing extensive research on the topic of cryogenics. “I saw it in the movie Demolition Man,” he said. “They were bringing them frozen people back to life, so it’s gotta be possible soon. They just better have a better solution for wiping your ass than those damn three seashells by the time they bring me back.”
The elaborate cryogenic freezing plan begins with wrapping Jimmy’s corpse in a protective cocoon constructed from a paper mache mixture of Budweiser and old National Enquirer newspapers from Jimmy’s garage. His wrapped body will then be placed inside the Yeti Cooler and packed with as much ice as possible. The Yeti Cooler will be sealed tightly until the time comes for Jimmy’s body to be revived.
Expert Medical Examiner Christine Diller suggested that Jimmy’s plan may not be the best idea. “A Yeti Cooler is going to keep him cold for ten days max,” she said. “After that, he’s going to stink to high heaven. It’s a waste of a perfectly good Yeti Cooler. I wouldn’t do it.”
Jimmy’s nephew Bryce has volunteered to handle the cryogenic Yeti capsule containing the body. “It should fit in the crawl space under my trailer pretty nicely,” he said. “He’ll be out of the sunlight and it’s kinda cool down there. I just need to make sure the raccoons don’t get him.”